How Do These People Survive? -- "E" Everyone

How Do These People Survive?

ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.

"You don't?" I replied.

"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.

"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"

"That's right."

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"

I said to her, "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."

She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.

"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened.

He told me that the driver had set the "Cruise Control" and then went in the back to make a tuna sandwich.

SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT
Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.

Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

NINE
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room. The kid was eating ants.

The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and they should be fine.

The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....

Dispatcher: Rush him in to Emergency!

"Life is Tough. It's Tougher if you're Stupid."

Jokes for Everyone

"Blondes are NOT Stupid" Convention
Crazy English Language
Eight Signs You Have Nothing to do at Work
Bible Scripture
My New Spell Checker
If Microsoft Built Cars
Three Dogs
Did You Ever Notice?
Lunch
Ten Dollars
Stupid People
Frustrated Toddler
Fable
A.A.A.D.D.
Forbidden Fruit
The Perfect Job
Bank Loan
...And your occupation is?
The Computer Swallowed Grandma
You know you live in 2004 when...
Aging
How blonde is too blonde?
The Creation Story
Last in Line
Driver's License
How To Tell If You're From California
Interesting Observations
How To Sex A Fly
New Book Releases
Senior Citizens

Fluctuations
Garfield
Why Math is Taught in School
How Do These People Survive?
Vampires
You might be a Floridian if...
Short Jokes
Quips
Chocolate
Understanding Engineers - Take Nine Inner Peace
Five Days With the Flu
Why Women Are Crabby
Prayer For Women
Coming Soon!

Jokes

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"A" Rated Jokes
"C" Rated Jokes

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Jokes for Everyone
"Blondes are NOT Stupid" Convention Crazy English Language Eight Signs You Have Nothing to do at Work Bible Scripture My New Spell Checker If Microsoft Built Cars Three Dogs Did You Ever Notice? Lunch Ten Dollars	Stupid People Frustrated Toddler Fable A.A.A.D.D. Forbidden Fruit The Perfect Job Bank Loan ...And your occupation is? The Computer Swallowed Grandma You know you live in 2004 when...	Aging How blonde is too blonde? The Creation Story Last in Line Driver's License How To Tell If You're From California Interesting Observations How To Sex A Fly New Book Releases Senior Citizens
Fluctuations Garfield Why Math is Taught in School How Do These People Survive? Vampires You might be a Floridian if... Short Jokes Quips Chocolate Understanding Engineers - Take Nine	Inner Peace Five Days With the Flu Why Women Are Crabby Prayer For Women	Coming Soon!

Jokes
"E" Rated Jokes	"A" Rated Jokes	"C" Rated Jokes
(E) Everyone -- Appropriate for folks of all ages. (T) Older Teens -- Appropriate for folks aged 13 and older. * (A) Adult -- Appropriate only for folks 18 and older. *Adult Access (C) Colorful -- Appropriate only for folks 18 and older; however, these are jokes that some may find offensive. *Colorful Access Our "A" and "C" rated jokes are password protected areas. We will only give access to those who request, and only to those who certify that they are aged 18 and over. As we really have no way to know for sure, we do advise that parents supervise their children online. While we have password protected these pages, we cannot always be sure that those who enter these areas are truly over the age of 18. Responsiblity for minors on the internet is being left in the hands of their parents and/or guardians. We will not be held liable for anyone under age accessing this material. Please, we do ask that if you are under 18, do not email asking for access. If you are easily offended, please do not view the jokes in our "C" rated section. Jokes in the "A" and "C" rated sections may contain vulgar language, sexual, adult, racial, prejudicial or violent material. Jokes in the "E" rated category may contain innuendos that some parents may object to. ** When emailing, please do NOT ALTER the subject line. In the body of the email, please state your first name, last initial, and email address. Please also certify that you are over the age of 18, and give your year of birth. If any of the requested information is omitted, access will NOT be given. Passwords will be changed on a regular basis. So, if you received access once and return, you will have to re-request a password to enter again.